In the shared wall between my bedroom and the living room, there is an open, rectangular vent meant to deliver forced air heating/air conditioning, but functions more like an open window. Every noise my roommate or I make can be heard by each other.
I’m talking every sneeze, every cough (he is a chronic cougher for some reason), every single move. I can even hear the faint rustling of the suede couch as he shifts (which is where he spends his free time). I can hear the suction of the rubber seal on the fridge when he opens the door to retrieve snacks, and then I can hear the crinkling of said snack wrapper. He can hear the tapping of my typing and of course, my loud, hours-long phone conversations (during which he increases the TV volume).
I wouldn’t be so frustrated if, when I answered his “roommate needed” ad, he hadn’t been elusive about the fact that there is absolutely zero hope of privacy in this apartment unless you have the master bedroom (which of course, he has). When I answered his ad, we asked each other all the normal questions: do you have company over a lot; what are your cleanliness habits; are you a night owl or an early bird; are you responsible with bills, etc. Everything checked out. 
The one thing he told me that even remotely hinted at this inevitable problem is that he watches “a lot of TV” and “stays up late.” To which I thought, IDGAF, ‘cos I don’t watch TV. I’m a full time student at an elite/demanding college. I’m also a night owl, so I figured, no problem there. But even if I wasn’t, it still shouldn’t be a problem, unless of course I could hear the TV when I have to go to bed early to be alert the next day for class. So I responded with, “as long as I can’t hear the TV, I don’t see why there should be an issue.” He replied that he watches “at a reasonable volume.” Soooo….I thought, why is that worth mentioning? Why do I care what he does with himself at night? He doesn’t usually have people over, he watches TV all the time, and has a weird sleep schedule. So what, who cares?
Well. He didn’t mention there’s a fucking HOLE IN THE WALL.
With a tall LAMP situated RIGHT UNDERNEATH IT that FUNNELS copious amounts of light into my room.
With the TV RIGHT UNDERNEATH IT. Which I realized the very first night I was there, when the light and sound spilled into my room when I turned the lights off to go to bed. Right after I signed the lease. 
There was no way I could’ve known about this vent because a) I have no professional training with vents of any kind, b) I didn’t see the apartment at night, so I couldn’t have known about the light/sound problem and c) HE DIDN’T TELL ME. Yes, he said he was worried his habits would clash with mine because I’m a student and he’s not (which I thought was bizarre, but now understand). Yes, he mentioned he stayed up late and watched TV, but I knew we both had our own rooms, and I expected both of them to have SOLID WALLS. 
He knew they did not. Which he should have been honest about when I looked at this place. So mostly, I’m mad because I wasn’t told about this.
Don’t get me wrong, I know it could be worse- he could be late on bills every month (and he is with the utilities), he could have tons of people over, he could be a dick and steal my things, he could be a druggie or an alcoholic or whatever, and his habits could be a lot more gross than his typical bachelor habits are, so I’m thankful for that. And I know the vent is not his fault, and I know he doesn’t like it either, because recently (of course not before I moved in) he said, “we gotta do something about that vent.” 
Well, we can’t likely do anything about the vent. The research indicates it’d cost us money we don’t have, while only providing mediocre sound reduction at best. But we could switch rooms. He could have THIS room and give me the master bedroom, because I never spend time in the living room, and he spends just about all of his time there. He spends about 6 hours total in his bedroom per day, and I spend just about all day in mine. Fuck, he could have the living room AND his bedroom completely to himself and he would STILL have absolute privacy because I wouldn’t be able to hear anything he did because I’D HAVE A SOLID WALL SEPARATING HIS ROOMS FROM MY ROOM.
It will probably never happen, for reasons I won’t divulge here. I just know that I’m paying half of everything, but definitely getting the short, impractical end of the privacy stick.
Just…godddamn, I would like to fall asleep without hearing the mum of his TV, or him eating, or his laughing, or his coughing, or belching, or asking him to shut the lights off (I bet you he’d rather I not be able to hear that, too). I would like to have a phone conversation without anyone who happens to be in the living room hearing every. Fucking. Word. I would like to take my pants off and use a fucking sex toy without people hearing every move I make. Is that too much to ask that I have some privacy when I pay upwards of $700/month? 
~Jacoby
GUERRILLA ELITES 